Flower of Futility
by StreakingHerculobus
Summary: Azula is not so easily defeated.


**Warning. This fic may cause you to reevaluate your impressions of Azula and possibly even sympathize. Read at your own risk. Adult themes, (no not X rated stuff.) If you find yourself agreeing with some of the utilitarian and social darwinistic material, then I suggest seeing a therapist (not really, personally I think some of the same stuff sometimes especially when people cut me off in traffic haha).**

Looking back, Azula saw this day coming. A precipice in front and wolves behind. She had been running the entire time-ever since the unspeakable woman disappeared-and now the chase had come to an end.

No proof was necessary beyond the stares. Of pity. Of disdain. The judgmental bastards! She did nothing to them.

_If you were watching from outside, you'd see the subtle clenching of her fists. Her face buried in the mattress._

She heard what they whispered when they thought she wasn't listening. Plenty of people had said it to her face. Calling her a maniac. A nutcase. It was like hearing her mother all over again when they used the word 'mons-'

...she couldn't even stand the sound of it.

And all of them acted like she was the cause of all their personal distress. It'd be funny if it wasn't so hurtful.

Her own brother set her up as the scapegoat. "Mentally unstable," he quipped. "Unwell."

Scourge of the fire nation.

And so for whatever issue which arose after his coronation, she was the root. Not her father, the country's damn despot and sole policy-maker. He had passed out of mind when it was revealed the former firelord had lost his bending.

But the princess, with her ruthless reputation and unparalleled skill, was held by many to have been the puppet master. Unbelievable.

Best of all, the entire affair suited Zuko's interests. He had someone on which to displace the blame when his own policies failed. And he, really no different from her, was depicted as the patriotic sibling, servant of the 'true Fire Nation.'

She exploded the day she read that article. It was the last time she got to see the news.

* * *

><p>On the other hand in her more lucid moments she couldn't deny that she had lost some of her balance. She did admit to having a minor breakdown when Father named her Firelord. It explained how she lost to Zuko, (because she wouldn't admit that anyone could be a better bender than her).<p>

But since then she had never been that hysterical. Sure, she did have her moments, (and afterwards she'd hate herself for losing control), but the doctors reluctantly agreed she was improving.

Not that Azula cared for their standards. She had plenty of exposure to their field of medicine. "Healing the mind," they preached. More like weakening the will.

Their philosophy grated against hers. The doctors and nurses were just like rest of the population, lily-livered and content with their lowly station in life, afraid to strive for something greater. Fools! Didn't they realize there is always another height to ascend? Had they forgotten their purpose: to forever improve for the sake of themselves and their prosperity?

They do not deserve to be among the ranks of humanity! Animals possessed more spine. They were all worse than dogs, and why she once sought to rule them was a mystery.

For she had been enlightened. Through trials and at a hefty price the universe deemed her fit for the knowledge. And that was the world was filth. Including everyone in it.

* * *

><p>In the beginning they used a straitjacket to try to restrain her. Her arms would fold inside the snug material and it'd be fastened around her neck and between her legs. They counted on the assumption that she wouldn't risk injuring herself by firebending right against her body.<p>

Incorrect. That night she was rushed to intensive care for multiple third degree burns. If it wasn't for the heat-resistant chain linking her ankle to the wall, she might have escaped. But nurses trained in chi blocking arrived before Azula had the chance to sear all the way through the metal.

So they resorted to drugs on top of the ones she was already receiving. In the end the pills only exacerbated the issue. Her mood swings became more frequent and twice as volatile, and while she couldn't recall how to effectively channel her chi, there was plenty of accidental firebending.

All the while Azula wondered at their naivete. Couldn't they see that she was fire? There'd be no taming it.

* * *

><p>"What am I supposed to do Uncle?" Zuko brushed his bangs to the side. He had adopted his peasant attire once again and let his hair down in order to pay an anonymous visit to Iroh's tea shop. "The doctors say she is getting better. In time the only issue will be whether or not she still poses a threat to the Fire Nation."<p>

Iroh nodded his head and listened politely while brewing a new strain of tea.

"I mean, she's my sister! I understand she's had it rough and I want to let her go, but you can't just forget all the things she's done."

Iroh placed a cup down for Zuko to try. "There's no easy answer." Motioning to the steaming drink, he added, "Tell me how you like it."

Zuko rolled his eyes. Nonetheless he snatched the tea up and took a swallow. He grimaced and quickly placed it back down. "Bitter," he muttered, wiping traces from his lips.

"Yes, that's part of the problem."

Zuko had a feeling that Iroh wasn't only talking about the tea. He sighed. "Fine, I'll do my best to forget about what happened in the past."

Finally Iroh spoke up, for the first time contributing a significant part of the conversation. "Let me remind you of your heritage. You are of the line of Sozin and Roku. You possess the most potent blood in the Fire Nation. Naturally your destiny is great." He looked Zuko in the eye. "The same goes for Azula."

Zuko frowned, having never thought of it that way before.

"Like you she must find her own path." He stroked his beard and added with a chuckle, "And what a magnificent story it will be." He shrugged before Zuko had a chance to voice his objection. "Don't get me wrong. She will need a lot of support. And she won't always be so receptive (Zuko turned red), but I have faith in the end everything will work out, just like it did for the war."

Zuko would need time to think this over. He bowed his head. "Thank you, Uncle."

Iroh immediately brightened. "Why don't we have some fun, eh? It's been a while since you visited." He winked conspiratorially. "Maybe I can show you some things I learned from Miss Bei Fong?"

* * *

><p>Without the rush of war and without the feelings the presence of her father always stirred (prison afforded a lot of opportunities to merely sit and think) Azula partly dwelled on her conscience.<p>

At one time she observed it played a larger role in governing her actions, mainly before her mother's disappearance. The woman might as well served in the same capacity, which might explain why Azula rejected any interference from her conscience today. That little voice in her head pointing out right and wrong was like an echo of her mother, a reminder she couldn't escape.

She recalled how her mother berated her for shooting down from the sky a proud and majestic eagle with an army crossbow (a weapon she secretly piilfered). Later when she shot the Avatar down from his perch in the air, those same words came back to haunt her: _Azula, what have you done! Why on earth would you do such a thing?_

Then there was the time Ozai brought Azula to watch a company of elite soldiers perform their morning drills. At the conclusion, her father introduced her to Captain Kue and explained how the men were about to depart to silence a revolt on the perimeter of the Fire Nation. Azula, gathering her courage, asked that the Captain bring something back.

Five months later, Kue was in the capital and sought the Royal Family out. He met Ursa and her daughter in the courtyard and presented Azula with the rings of every married male in the village.

Ursa held her tongue until the captain was gone.

Skip ahead to when Azula proposed to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground. The subsequent admonishment was inevitable. Azula heard it so clearly as if her mother was in the very room. _You realize those were real men and women with families. You can't trivialize their lives just because they're so far away._

Again Azula despised thoughts of right and wrong and she saw no use for them. They were only a hindrance. Unfortunately she was stuck in a world that believed differently.

* * *

><p>She hasn't spoken since her humiliating defeat at the hands of the water tribe peasant. She doesn't know how long its been.<p>

The doctors tried nonetheless. "Hello, Azula. How do you feel?" Not expecting an answer the older male continued, "You know, its been a while since you've had one of your hallucinations. We takes this to be good news."

Azula from her sprawled position on the bed didn't acknowledge. Most of his visits she didn't. But she liked to mess with him occasionally, by either trying to stare a hole through him (she imagined all sorts of ways to kill and dismember him), or clearing her throat whenever he tried to speak. The doctor, his name was Fu, was never amused.

"The next step obviously is for you to feel secure enough to open up." He leaned forward from his seat across the bars. "You can't stay mute forever."

Funny, he sounded genuinely concerned. Azula flipped her bangs back over her head. But he couldn't be more wrong._ Just watch me. I'll never utter a sound again, at least in company like yours._

"You're not in any danger." Growing more exasperated, the doctor displayed desperation, "What can we do to help?"

_Murder Zuko the next time he visits. _Naturally she didn't say this out loud, so they weren't privy to the homicidal and twisted urges she still experienced. As a consequence their evaluations were horrendously optimistic.

The doctor sighed. The Fire Lord would be visiting next week and they hadn't made any progress since last time. Standing up, he rationalized that at least there were no signs of backsliding.

Stealing one last glance at the disengaged teenager, he bid goodbye.

* * *

><p>She used to have everything. The crown was going to be hers. She lived as a princess with people waiting on her hand and foot as they should.<p>

But then they took it all. Literally snatched it away like common thieves. The Avatar and his ilk were simply insurgents trying to overthrow a perfectly legitimate regime. What occurred the day of Sozin's comet was nothing more than a coup d'etat.

How could they claim to be so righteous? It's war for heaven's sake! No one is innocent. No one should be able to talk to the papers and act like it was their damn destiny to inherit the throne, as if the gods condoned it.

Even Azula wouldn't have the audacity to spew such a self serving lie. Or more likely it was probably a honest delusion of her brother's. Who knows what her uncle filled his head with over the years.

No matter. Clearly she underestimated them. Azula would not make the same mistakes again. She assumed in the beginning that Zuko and them wouldn't play down at her level, too obsessed with nobleness and virtues. But she had been wrong. They were fully willing to do whatever it took to reclaim the throne.

Well, Azula could return the favor. And unlike the Avatar, who only took her father's bending, Azula never did anything in halves. She'd tear down the Fire Nation as punishment for its infidelity, raze its cities to the ground for its fickleness, and then proceed to rebuild it in her image, as a country worthy of a ruler like her.

* * *

><p>It was inconceivable that anyone could be trusted. Azula thought she knew this once. But then she let her guard down and both Ty Lee and Mai betrayed her, the closest thing to friends she ever had.<p>

So Azula only trusted herself. But even that had its limits. During the day she'd see flashes of shapes out of the corner of her vision, and she knew it was her mother, or Lu Ten, or Ozai, despite the fact she never got a clear look. They just hovered around the edges of whatever room she happened to be in, tormenting her with their presence

Occasionally she'd get up to do something and then immediately forget what it was. So she'd sit back down for a few moments and look around only to find that she's already done it. It was baffling. Where did the time go?

Similarly, she'd glance up from what she's doing and find herself in a certain room without a clue how she got there. The guards would be waiting, acting as if nothing was wrong. But there was something wrong; she didn't remember coming here (insert panic) and the guards better explain and not just look at her with those blank uncertain faces. She'd freak out, they'd restrain her, try to get her to talk, and then put her to bed. The same thing would happen two days later.

Therefore, Azula wasn't even sure how much she could trust her mind. It was slipping lately. And Azula would go so far as to say it was turning against her.

For example, Azula was not the type to think in abstract. She despised symbols. But lately her mind had been consumed with them.

During the long interment in the quiet hours she'd turn inwards-there was no helping it-and she'd imagine herself on the edge of a volcano, the boiling magma beneath.

Then a phoenix streaks out of the cavern and Azula puts her hands up as a shield from the flying lava. The bird flies straight up into the sky out of sight, and she's left wondering what's the significance of it all until the creature appears again, diving for her.

Azula firebends but the phoenix absorbs the heat and proceeds to attack her. She struggles to fend it off when something sharp stabbed at her eye, and then she's screaming because she knows what's happening.

She takes a couple steps back, tasting blood and was one eye already gone? She couldn't see and in that terror she toppled backward and she's free falling. She knows what's about to happen.

It's a terrible image, of a eleven year girl, with two holes where her eyes used to be, and her mouth opened in a visceral scream, plummeting to the red swirling liquid.

The daytime visions never lasted long. The only indication was a slight increase in her breathing rate and a lost expression on her face.

She never remembered her dreams at night strangely. But she had the distinct impression that they were worse, much worse. She'd wake up in a cold sweat unable to move. She was a prisoner in her own body, capable of only staring into the blackness.

* * *

><p>Azula didn't have much of a plan for once in her life. She tried plans before. They all failed, despite how promising they looked in the beginning. From Ba Sing Se to the Throne.<p>

So she'll wing it a little. Her firebending will more than make up for any lack of organization.

Bankers. In both the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. They were her only possible allies. Because they profited from war; they feasted on the debts and expenses and the lives of the sons and daughters.

They were the closest thing to Azula.

Naturally, it would be nice to know a few people in court who supported her. But while Zuko wasn't the most popular Fire Lord, she was almost never considered to have been one in the first place. And she was too isolated in the palace as princess to have won political friends then (no doubt Ozai's intention).

As for the general public, she was not that popular in the capital. The events of the day of her coronation spread like wildfire among gossip circles.

But farther out in the country among the less privileged she represented change. That was where she would garner her army.

Sure, she wasn't that thrilled about the class of people she'd be associating with. Yet at the same time she knew they were the most suitable. Because the people with nothing to lose were always the bravest.

And they were a cruder sort out there. Her ferocity would fit in perfectly.

Ironically enough most of her financial support might be coming from Ba Sing Se. She made sure to do a couple powerful people favors during her reign there in the event she lost her hold.

The memory swelled Azula with pride. Sometimes she amazed even herself.

**I hoped you liked it. Thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated. I might even be open to discussion**.


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